I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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