It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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