last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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