Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
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Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So much rum. So many feels.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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