the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
