First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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