Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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