She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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