it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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