I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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