He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
