I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
