Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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