Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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