The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
