Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
