ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
