Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
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after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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