So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
