I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
