some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
