Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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