He is an equal opportunity slut.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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