If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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