the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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