Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome

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(336): View more from North Carolina

Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.

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(404): View more from Georgia

When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.

(706): View more from Georgia

I hope you did not try this.

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(773): View more from Illinois

If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.

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(517): View more from Michigan

I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.

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(337): View more from Louisiana

Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

She started crying because the Rugrats grew up

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