this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
