I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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