I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
the gays at disneyland are vicious
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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