Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
