I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
