Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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