He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
