i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I could make wine with my vomit
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
