I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
