on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
