My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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