I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
