mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
