This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
