I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
