The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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