dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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