i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
