i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
