a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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