talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
