who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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