I accidentally had phone sex last night
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
