He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
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There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
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Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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