Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I love you.
Bad choice
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