scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
