i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
