Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
