im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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