i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
