Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
