I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
