I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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