the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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