My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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