he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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