Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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