lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just gargled with NyQuil
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
