I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
