youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
